People tend to get particularly defensive when they feel outnumbered by those who do not share their view. In order to have a successful conversation, don’t go into it trying to change anyone’s mind. Rather, make it your goal to understand their view. “Help me understand your beliefs,” is a statement you could try. This might help the other person open up and realize they are not being attacked.
When our partner, friend, or loved one does something that “smells” like past wounds, our defenses go up. The fear of repeating the past comes out looking like anger. Even though we are wanting to be close with our loved ones (spouses, children, friends, and neighbors), old wounds — both emotional and physical — often stand in the way.
We place our partners outside of an unbreakable wall of silence when we are not emotionally available. It’s hard to trust the fella on the other side of wall if he refuses to open the door. A lasting and durable trust can only built when both people are inside the walls.
When we validate our partner’s feelings we acknowledge and accept the way that they feel without judgement or rejection. However, when we respond to feelings with facts we often miss the opportunity to validate our partner’s feelings, in fact, we do just the opposite.
Feeling Safe
I feel safe at CFS. I know the staff is professional and understanding and that my thoughts and feelings will be heard and are valid.
Building Strength
My treatment at CFS has helped me find the ability to continue on through a horrible time. The office staff always greets me with a smile, that’s great.
Embrace New Ideas
It’s great to have someone to talk through my thoughts and feelings with — to get things out into the universe and have a neutral party help me learn how to process, try new things, embrace different ideas.
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