Most of our poor decisions and behaviors that we wish we could re-do are driven by our feelings. In most cases we are probably reacting from an emotion and not even really thinking!
Boundaries establish what is or isn’t acceptable within a friendship. This may be keeping a secret or accepting when someone says no.
For most people outside of the LGBTQ+ community, Pride is seen as a rainbow parade full of glitter and colorful celebration. However, Pride represents much more than this. Pride celebrates dignity, equality, connection, self-affirmation, and increased visibility of the LGBTQ+ community.
“Is it possible that what I just did or said to my child had more to do with my needs, my fears, and my upbringing, than what is really in their best interest?” How a parent interacts with their child can have a lifelong impact extending far beyond childhood. While we would like to think that our impact is always positive, the reality is that sometimes it can have negative side effects. This is where ACEs come in. So, what are they? ACEs Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs, categorize childhood trauma into 3 areas: abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction. The results of these unhealthy interactions can show up down the road in mental health struggles, unstable attachment styles, and low self-esteem. But what does “unhealthy” actually mean? Well, the short answer is this: it depends. Each individual experiences different situations in their childhood, adolescence, and in adulthood. This graphic, from the ACEs Facebook page, does a really good job of identifying some key ways that parents damage their relationships with their children. But, why? Now that we’ve identified the “what”, it is natural to wonder “why”. Many times, childhood trauma is a pattern repeating itself from the generation(s) before. This includes untreated mental illness, abuse, and more. Additionally, people may not have had appropriate role models to demonstrate what it looks like to meet physical and emotional needs of those dependent on them. “Well, my parents didn’t tell me they loved me and I turned out just fine.” While that may be true, think of all the untapped potential within you as a result of that. The answer to that “why” question is something we might never know. Lack of answers often come from our parents not having the awareness. Perhaps they aren’t aware that they did anything was wrong or unhealthy. And if they do have the awareness, they are unsure of healthier alternatives. People often resort to things they have learned. This is why it’s so easy for things to be transferred generationally. It may seem like I am making excuses for parents who do not meet the needs of a child, but that is not my intention. When the cycle is broken, those responsible should be held accountable for their actions, or lack thereof. That accountability can come in the form of conversations, boundaries, separation or distance. Negative Impacts Now, let’s circle back around to the negative effects that I keep talking about. ACEs can result in things that become our core beliefs. In other words, what we truly think and feel about ourselves. These are likely to show up during adolescent and adult years. Though this list is not all encompassing, here are a few examples of those beliefs: Feeling like you don’t belong Struggling to trust people Thinking that people will leave you Having big emotional reactions to (seemingly) small things Feeling not good enough Thinking that romantic relationships are always really hard work Struggling to say no Feeling angry about the past Struggling with
One thing that I found most helpful for myself is positive self-talk. In other words, speak kindly to yourself.
We don’t start and stop living based solely on completing an accomplishment. These are milestones that are a reflection of your hard work and dedication, but you are so much more than just the things you do.
Compassion implies that a person sees the suffering or another and wants to help them. What if we could replace our inner critic with inner self-compassion?
When we think of bullying, we typically envision the kid stealing lunch money or shoving their peer to the ground at recess. Sure, these are the most common depictions of bullying in pop culture, but bullying doesn’t end when we graduate high school. So how can we handle adults who bully us?
Have you ever noticed that showing gratitude feels good? Practicing being grateful is linked with mental well-being, including increased self-esteem, better sleep, higher energy levels, increased optimism, decreased anxiety, and reduced depressive symptoms.
STOP listening to your inner critic. This is the voice that says, “you’re worthless,” “you’re fat,” “why can’t you be like other people?” Challenge these negative thoughts and STAND UP TO YOUR INNER CRITIC. When you recognize the inner critic, you can begin to challenge and defy the inner critic and see yourself for who you really are.
